thestagingarea.com

I wasn’t sure whether to title this “gay” or “hate”… I decided to go with the more positive of the two.

I received the following message from Brian, an old friend from NYC. Kelsey is Brian’s wife’s God Daughter:
————-
Kelsey came out of the closet today. First to her family, then on Facebook. She lives in Louisiana surrounded by a conservative Christian community. She is having a really hard time, online and off, and could use all the friends and support she can get.
Please friend Kelsey and show her your support. Pass this message along to anyone you think might appreciate it.

Thank you.
-Brian

—————–
Go here to friend Kelsey on FaceBook.

I dutifully FaceBook friended Kelsey; she accepted. I then went to her page. There I found numerous posts and comments from her “christian” friends (I suppose “friends” deserves quotes as well). These were people, horrified; people who couldn’t believe that their friend had so betrayed them, and therefore their version of Christ, by coming out of the closet.

They tossed the usual judgements at her, damning her soul while claiming to care about it.

How could she?!

I passed Brian’s message on to a number of, as I called them, my gay, spiritual, or spiritually gay, friends.

If you are on FaceBook, I urge you to friend this young woman via the link above.

Let’s face it. I, and most of the gay (my thumbs keep typing fay: a term stereotypical, as well as mis-spelled) people I know, live in a bubble. We have it relatively easy to very easy. Most of us live in cities, or larger towns, on “coasts”. One forgets.

Even here, having moved back to Reading, PA, it is easy to forget the days of my youth when it wasn’t as… Oh, but really, compared to what someone living in a true religiously conservative area goes through, even back then, in my fraught teens, I had it easy. (Thank you, Genesius; the theatre, not the Saint.)

How many young people out there never make it out alive simply because they can’t be free to be who they really are? Or just as tragically mind-bending, stand up to the world, showing their true selves, only to be beaten, spiritually, emotionally, physically, or often, all three? How many? How fucking many?

I could spend paragraph after paragraph of discourse on the hypocracy, the dishonesty, of the fundamentalist “christian” hate mongers. That, however, has been done before, by people far more learned than I. The problem is, one cannot have reasonable discourse when one party is blinded by a fundamental sense of “right”.

I no longer have the energy, or will, for this type of discourse.

What I do have energy for, is living my life as the out gay person that I am, and supporting those who choose, no matter the oppression, or odds, to do the same.

Have strength when you need it, lend your strength when it is needed from you.

How odd that the choice that Kelsey made, the choice to live as the Universe made her, the choice to live honestly to herself, and the world, how odd that that should have to be so hard.

Now that’s, as the kids today say, gay.

Nite,
k.

Tags: Friends, General, Life, Spirituality by Kirk
No Comments »

Happy New Year!

I’ve previously mentioned the Christmas Eve bayberry mojo.

And now, here is the New Year’s Eve mojo tradition. A quick internet check shows nothing about my family’s traditional NY Eve mojo. My guess is that it is a mix of PA Dutch and Scottish tradition, or just something that got started long ago by no specific ethnicity and just got handed down until its precise origins were lost.

At any rate, my family’s tradition: in a small bag – I use a sandwich bag because that’s what my parents used, probably something nicer like a cloth bag would be looked on kindly by the gods, or maybe the humble nature of the sandwich bag is some kind of positive statement in and of itself – one per each member of the household – no “one bag is good enough for all” stuff here, everyone must have their own – place:

• A penny or some humble coin if your monetary system has no penny. “So that you may always have enough money.”
• A piece of coal. “So that your home may be always warm.”
• A bit of flour wrapped in paper. “So you may always have food.”

Why is the flour wrapped in paper? So it doesn’t get all messy in the bag, silly. My family’s traditional flour wrap has been a piece of paper towel, again, not particularly pretty, but humble and certainly serviceable.

Once these items are gathered in the bag, it is hung on the front door of your house (or apartment) to welcome in the New Year’s s(S)pirit. This is to be done on New Year’s Eve and must hang there until the morning of New Year’s Day.

And, like the bayberry candle that burns though Christmas Eve into Christmas Day, I understand that this is superstition. But neither the candle nor the NYE bag has let me down thus far and so, I’ll repeat, I’m not messin’ with the mojo.

And they pile on, I have acquiesced, adopted and even grown used to, Jamie’s family’s, “the Christmas tree must be taken down before New Year’s Day”, and he’s happy to have our ratty New Year’s bags hanging on the doorknob for the neighbors to wonder about.

I guess life is so dramatically random that even in this “advanced” modern age, sometimes it feels good and necessary to fall back on a little tradition, a little “magic”.

Have a safe and happy New Year!
k.

Tags: Ephemera, Family, Jamie, Life, Spirituality by Kirk
2 Comments »

Zim has some very valid points in his comment to my last post and I think they warrant a response post. First, go read his comments if you haven’t done so already.

The Christmas Spirit; I’ve found as I get older, that so many things conspire against it. In no particular order:

• Rampant commercialization of the season. This commercialization has so removed the “magic” of the season, that youthful innocence that lets us dream and believe.
• As tie-in to the above: The expansion of the season. When I was young, there was no Christmas anything until Santa arrived Thanksgiving Day on the Macy’s float. Nothing. Thanksgiving Day was the kick-off to the Christmas season. Now you start seeing Christmas things in stores or advertising as early as August. It’s this time-frame dilution that helps make it a far less anticipated, special event.
• The removal of Christ from Christmas. Regardless of your particular spiritual belief, this point applies: simply substitute whichever symbol of charity, sacrifice and unconditional love into the above sentence. Christmas is, in the end a construct; historically Christ was not born on Christmas. Christian holidays, all religiously based holidays, are sociopolitical constructs of the current ruling party/religion. The birth of Christ is celebrated on this particular day because it was easier to usurp an already existing celebration: you can’t cancel the Solstice festival, the Saturnalia, etc., but you can change it to your purpose. But in the end, each permutation is a celebration of life and this basic understanding of the season has been lost.
• Loss of contact with fellow human beings. As the world becomes seemingly more and more connected, it actually seems we are all moving apart. Phones keep us from talking face to face. Cars keep us from walking, where we might chance to meet. Computers allow us to sit in our homes, safe in our cocoons, to virtually connect, but is that a real connection? Without truly being among your fellow human beings, how is it possible to be human?

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the material aspects of the season; giving is a demonstration of an aspect of the spiritual model. Giving, that is, without any expectation of return, giving to show your love, your appreciation of another human being.

As I’ve written in a previous post, I do think it is important to do some regular, unconditional giving. It can be monetary, but it doesn’t need to be, it can be a donation of time, donation of goods, etc., simply some acknowledgment that there are those less fortunate, more needy, than you. And here, I’m not saying, “Be a martyr to humankind,” but rather recognize that we all depend on each other.

In that vein, I urge more “green-ness” in everyone’s life. We continue to dismantle the delicate symbiosis with our Earth. This practice of “green-ness” is another face of giving and respect. We need to protect and care for the planet on which we live. The Earth will certainly survive despite our shenanigans, but she may, no, will refuse to support our existence if we continue to divorce responsibility for our action from their consequences.

In the end, if we want to keep the “magic” of the season alive, we need to embrace our loved ones, and the world, in our hearts, care for and respect those around us and also the world in which we live. And always remember, as our ancestors found as those fearful days, ever shortening, ever dying, turned, became slowly longer, ever less inexplicably dark, we can go forward from darkness to light, from fear to joy. But we will always be more able if we go hand in hand, our hearts warm and our minds open.

Thanks to you, Zim for prompting this bit of philosophizin’.

Nite,
k.

Tags: Life, Politics, Spirituality by Kirk
No Comments »

You see George, you really did have a wonderful life.

I think often, we forget how really wonderful life is, I know I do from time to time. I get caught up in the minutiae of the daily grind and forget what is truly important, truly wonderful: the magic of being alive. It really is a gift. To throw out another appropriate movie quote, Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.

Drink in life. Eat up every last morsel. Savour every last moment. Life is too glorious not to.

So catching up. Thanksgiving was odd, but lovely. Jamie, as I mentioned in the last post was sick. He got up long enough to enjoy our dinner, or enjoy it as much as someone without a sense of smell due to clogged sinuses is able.

That weekend, our friends John and Karen came in from London for a week’s visit. We kicked it off by going to Peter Luger’s Steakhouse, a fav of ours. Luckily, Jamie’s ick had subsided enough for him to enjoy the evening and taste the food.

Then later that week, on Thursday, J & I went to the 75th Anniversary Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. And it was. Spectacular.

We go every year. We love it. We love the over-the-top wackiness of it. We love the live camels on stage and the hokey holiday–ness of it all. But this year, being the 75th Anniversary, it was even better than usual. It was all about the Rockettes, who are indeed, always “featured”, but this year they were truly the stars of the show. They even got their own holiday souvenir martini glass

filled with, of course, the Rockettini, which was basically a slushie with really high proof rum poured over it.

All during that week after Thanksgiving, along with show-going and friend-greeting, we were getting ready for our first (annual) holiday party. Lots of food, liquor and mixers bought. Some food prepped here. And that Saturday, 12/1, from 5 ’til, well, I’m told that it went on until about 1:30AM, a grand time was had by all.

We spread it out over such a long period as:

1. We have friends with many different work schedules or kids or other engagements, so this allowed them to drop in/drop out.
2. Our apartment, though lovely, wouldn’t fit all the invitees comfortably at one time.

It all worked out beautifully. Except, of course, for my being done in by a nasty drink introduced to the party by our friend Suzanne. She had recently edited a drink book and this, unfortunately stuck in her mind; I certainly will never forget it. It is a wicked little concoction called a Duck Fart. And it does smell, not that I’ve actually ever had the pleasure, but I imagine it would be similar, like a duck fart.

It, however, is really tasty. It is layered in equal parts of Kahlua, Bailey’s and Jack Daniel’s. It goes down smooth and hits hard. And so, I ended about an hour or so before the party did. Ah well, a good time was had by all.

In the following two weeks, I had the joy of going through a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. A little holiday treat, that. My last physical turned up a bit of anemia and we’re trying to figure out what’s up with that. Nothing showed up in either of those tests, so we’re on to more. I get the next round of results after the holidays – easy tests, just blood-work. Somewhat ironic that they needed to take four vials of blood to see what’s up with my anemia…

As my reward for going through rather unpleasantly invasive tests, I gave myself the gift of theatre. Jamie & I went to PA to the theatre I grew up in, Genesius, to see “The Belsnickel Scrooge”, a PA Dutch take on “A Christmas Carol.” We loved it. It is so amazing to be reconnected with that theatre.

While in PA, we celebrated Christmas with my folks and our dear extended family members, Sue and Liz. We don’t get to see either my parents or S&L often enough.

Oops, forgot, on the weekend between my c’scopy and my e’scopy, we went to visit Jamie’s Mom in FL for her birthday. We had a great time visiting with her and Jamie’s sister, nephew and his new girlfriend. It was nice to get away from NYC for a bit, although I couldn’t wait to get back to the more seasonal weather. FL is nice, but give me seasons. I don’t care how many decorations you see, if it’s 80 degrees, it just doesn’t feel like Christmastime. This is, of course, coming from a confirmed Northerner, however, Jamie feels the same way and he spent most of his life in FL.

Anyway, that brings us up to the week past, which was filled with Christmas hubbub and such, including a wonderful holiday concert on Saturday featuring Karen Mason, an amazing singer and a lovely person. I worked with her years ago on “And the World Goes ‘Round: The Songs of Kander and Ebb”, back in the day when I was doing backstage stuff. She has such amazing control of her voice and such an amazing energy. She’s just, well, amazing.

She was briefly joined by Greg Edelman, Liz Calloway, and The Accidentals (a tight jazz acapella group) – all were great.

Oh and before the concert, we went to see Sweeney Todd, the film, not the theatre piece. It was magically delicious, go see it.

And that brings us to tonight, Christmas Eve.

We went to NJ to our Godson’s for the evening. Met the little fella and his mom at the train station – he loves trains – then headed to the 4 o’clock Children’s service at their church. Very nice service; Jamie & I both forgot how much we like the practice of going. We’ve decided to check out our local church soon. We both miss the brilliant eucharist at our old church, unfortunately, the emotional/spiritual toll of that place was too high so, the search continues.

After church, we went to their house and met up with the G’son’s dad and sister, Aunt and friends and we all shared a delicious dinner.

Then back to the city in time for me to light my bayberry candle. All these superstitions… I don’t know if it’s a PA Dutch thing or where it came from, but it is tradition in my family to light a bayberry candle on Christmas Eve and let it burn through the night into Christmas day – it must burn completely away. It’s said to be good luck, and like Jamie with his “the tree must come down on New Year’s Eve”, I ain’t messin’ with the mojo.

So here I sit writing, now officially Christmas day, while Jamie sleeps, dreaming of the early morning present opening to come.

So many opportunities we’re given. So many wonderful things to do and see and experience; just look back over just my last four weeks.

It really is a wonderful life.

And now, now that the candle has reached a point of safety, meaning, as it burns merrily in the sink, if it falls, it’s short enough to pose no danger of toppling out onto the floor, but rather just rolling around in the sink, I can guiltlessly go to bed. Jamie is very, very, nervous about the candle. Very. But it’s safe now, and I’m tired, and he’s going to get me up at first light for Christmas morning present-opening, so in the Christmas spirit I say,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
k.

Tags: Family, Food, Jamie, Life, Spirituality, Theatre by Kirk
2 Comments »

I’ve mentioned briefly before Jamie & my recent collision with organized religion and how, through the bad, it did bring about great good.

For the two-ish years we attended this particular church, we were heavily invented in it, in all senses of the word; we invested our emotions, our time and our money. As I said in the post linked to above, we are both still giving back financially to… God, Higher Power, what-have-you: to the Divine from which all things come.

Yes, I am spiritual. I do believe in a “higher power”. I have my little conversations with whatever you choose to call it, nearly every day. I find it comforting. I find it worthy. I find, in this world of increasing “me”-ness, that the acknowledgement of some power “greater than” is a centering, humbling practice.

For me.

Everyone is different, has different needs, practices, beliefs or lack thereof. It makes me no better, or anyone who doesn’t feel the same way, any worse. Our differences, as my dear Bob Bendorff used to say, are what “makes the phone book”. Homogeneity, monoculture, how boring and soul killing would a world like that be?

So this week, I’m feeling like I want to go to church on Sunday. Not that church. Never going back there. But there’s an Episcopal within walking distance and I’d like to go tomorrow.

Why? I’ve no idea. It’s just a desire that’s cropped up in my gut. I tend not to question these things. I just feel like I want… I don’t know, the experience, the reverential pause, mutually shared.

I like going outside our apartment to look at the sky, the trees, the world. It is my own personal reverential pause. My personal moment to stop and look around me, to see and feel the world. And really, that’s kind of my church, standing in the air, listening to the trees and birds and insects, looking up at the stars… It’s where I find my “calm center”.

I’ve always had a dicey relationship with organized religion. Through the years I’ve read, tried out, experienced a variety of religious permutations: Christianity, Eastern, the old religions. I’ve found all of them somewhat lacking as they are all tainted by the human element. To use a base, somewhat spiritually deficient corollary, it’s like my beautiful, pristinely shiny stainless steel refrigerator, you can’t touch it without leaving a fingerprint. And that fingerprint stands out like a sore thumb.

Organized religion is the attempt to understand the mystical, to put it in a neat box. You can’t.

Well, oops, organized religion is the attempt to control the masses though the use of a big bat called “God”, ‘Allah”, the Maiden, Mother and Crone (admittedly the older earth-based spriritualities are less so, but still, in a coven, there’s a leader and where you have a leader…), what-have-you. Organized religion is about “rules”.

“The Spirit” existed long before man came along and will still be here when we are nothing but a memory. We are unnecessary in the bigger picture. Organized religion tends not to pay that any mind.

And in the end, what are these religions all saying? What is the base from which all the man-made extranea is built? What are the basic rules?

How about: respect and love.

How good is man with those concepts? How good is organized religion with those concepts?

And so, I’m left with this slight feeling of hypocrisy in wanting to go to church tomorrow.

But sometimes, I like the ritual, the community. And sometimes, the Spirit manages to make an appearance despite the man-made constraints. And those times are glorious.

k.

Tags: Life, Politics, Spirituality by Kirk
1 Comment »

As in giving. Giving when you don’t have to, but rather want to.

One of the many good things Jamie and I took away from our brief collision with organized religion, was the concept of charity, of giving.

We had a visitation, at our former church, by the treasurer of the diocese, during which he presented an argument for “proportional giving”. PG, my abbreviation, not some cultish appurtenance draped casually off the shoulder, is simply this: choosing a percentage of your gross income, a percentage that pushes the boundries of comfort, then when a paycheck comes in, tithing that percentage of your income to the church. This is your way of thanking God, Higher Power, Whatever, for the privilege of taking space in His/Her/It’s world.

When Jamie and I took our leave of the organizational side of religion, veering into the less claustrophobic/psychotic land of “faith”, we carried the concept of “proportional giving” with us.

We don’t give the money to support a building any more. We, instead, give the money to support people.

When we left the church, we were both agreed that our giving should not come to an end. That it was right and good to, as they say, spread the wealth (such as it is), and so we both searched the internet for charities that we believed in, that we felt did more good than harm. That used our money wisely, effectively.

There are many charities out there. You know this, you get solicitations from them almost every day. It’s hard to choose. It’s hard to say “no”. It’s hard to know when to say “no” and when to say “yes”.

It is easier when you do your research and see what percentage of your funds goes to good works and what goes to fund raising. You’d be surprised, or not, at the number of charities that waste so many of the dollars, given freely and with the intent of doing good, in administrative costs, fundraising costs, etc. A friend recently did a bike trek around Ireland for Lance Armstrong’s cancer charity. I donated. I like my friend, I support her desire to do good. And frankly, more power to her, I certainly couldn’t have done that ride. And it did look amazing. Trouble is, Lance Armstrong’s cancer charity wastes a lot of the money it raises. And in the end, my friend probably would’ve done much more good donating the money it took to take the trip to a more financially concerned charity than actually taking the trip.

But in the end, I support her. We do what we do, and doing something is most often better than doing nothing.

What do Jamie and I do now that we’re not giving the funds to the church? We did a good deal of research; two wonderful sites for this are: Network for Good and Charity Navigator, both give ratings, ie: dollars donated/dollars used beneficially/dollars used to raise dollars. We both were drawn toward the concept of the micro-loan.

The micro-loan is, in a nutshell, a small loan given to an entrepreneur in a developing area – 3rd world country, impoverished area of a developed country – to help them grow and be more self-sustaining. To make a better life for themselves and, indeed, their community.

So Jamie chose FINCA and I chose Accion International. Both of the linked sites give a far better explanation of micro-finance than I do; even if you’ve no interest at this point in giving away any of your hard-earned cash (a totally understandable position), I’d urge you to read about this, it might, down the road, appeal to you.

Jamie donates totally to FINCA. I alternate, 1st of the month ,15th of the month, between ACCION and, what I consider an incredibly worth charity, Genesius Theatre. ACCION does amazing, life-changing work, but Genesius is the only reason I’m here writing this today.

Fodder for another blog, but suffice to say, without the second home I found in Genesius Theatre, the 11 year old, self-aware, fat homosexual child, who wound up growing into me, would never had made it through High School. Yes, it’s a sad song that few wish to hear, but the suicide rate of gay pre-teens and teens is astounding; such is the society we live in. I easily could have been a statistic had it not been for the community I found at Genesius.

What I donate to Genesius is a pittance compared to what that theatre gave me: love… and life.

Ohhhh dear, I’ve become so damned preachy and maudlin, haven’t I? Well, one more thought then I’ll get off my soapbox.

We all, myself included, can do so much better than we do to make this world better. Every day is a struggle with the mundane, regimented march that is life. A struggle that most often makes us forget how damned lucky we are to be here; how miraculous life really is. It is so easy to forget.

I’d urge you to give something back. Doesn’t need to be money; could be time, clothes, service, whatever. Just give something back; it’s good for the heart, it’s good for the soul, it’s good for the world. Best of all, it doesn’t require that you believe in any “higher power”, just the beliefe that you can do some little good in this world.

And that’s not such a bad thing at all.

And now, as it’s 1AM, I’d better get my ass to bed so I can get up and get to work so all the above is possible.

Nite,
k.

Tags: Ephemera, Jamie, Life, Spirituality by Kirk
3 Comments »